denis bider

A significant number of people think that parents being polyamorous, or swingers, or in an open relationship, is somehow harmful to children. When parents are divorced, this is often used to keep children away from a parent involved in completely ethical non-monogamy. In a recent /r/polyamory post, someone asked what grounds people have to maintain this prejudice.

This is the kind of question for which it's difficult to find a rational answer. One must resort to asking people who actually have these opinions, and figure out their thought process based on their evasions and non-replies.

To many of us practicing some of these lifestyles, it's obvious there's no danger at all. But try to explain that to people whose range of opinions might include that homosexuality is an abomination, and that gay people should not adopt children - presumably because they'll raise them to be homosexual, or tolerant of homosexuality, which they basically consider just as bad.

If you ask th…

In my 10+ year experience discussing this issue, I find there are roughly three kinds of people, according to their chosen sexual risk vs. sacrifice tradeoff:
The reckless. These are a small minority who don't care about consequence, at all. They might engage in behaviors such as unprotected receptive anal sex from strangers. These behaviors spread serious diseases, such as HIV, and make all other STIs more frequent.The practical. A significant proportion of the population chooses what they consider a reasonable risk vs. sacrifice tradeoff. They don't expect to go all their lives without a cold sore, but they still care about their health. People in this group will avoid risky behaviors, such as unprotected sex with strangers; but they are willing to let down their guard if they have reasonable evidence that their sexual partner is safe, such as recent negative STD test results.The anxious. A substantial proportion of the population is extremely concerned about any kind of sexu…

Finally, and for the first time ever, we have a full time maid, and a good one at that, and - gah, it's amazing!




But there are also downsides.

One is, well - it's even harder to get sympathy if I ever complain about anything to anyone. "Ah, life must be tough for you, with your house clean all the time..."

Another is that we now have to deal with the employment bureaucracy in Costa Rica. Specifically, the Social Security office, CCSS.

I hate having to deal with bureaucracy. Fortunately, there's an excellent law firm that I like to work with, and they were kindly willing to help me with the registration needed for the domestic employee.

Today, I get a phone call from the lawyer on my mobile. It went something like this:

- Hello Mr. Bider. How are you doing? I am at the Social Security office. They are asking if you have a land line in your house. (In Costa Rica, everything's a house. Our apartment is a house.)

- (Hoping in vain I can dodge the issue) Well, we …